Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Confessions of Change: If Jiminy Cricket Had No Soul

Sometime around June of last year I got a booster shot of ambition. It pumped about a million gallons of adrenaline through my system and I was impervious to fear and doubt. It was wonderful a time.

The shot wore off around October where I still had a gazillion things left on my massive writing to-do list. I couldn't complete them. Not by December. Even if I did complete the massive writing to-do list, I didn't have enough CPs or Beta Readers to get me where I wanted to be March of this year. Even if I did get all trillion and one books critted who is say a publisher would snatch up the book. In summary, fear kept right on pointing out the obvious while wrapped warmly in a blanket of insecurity.

That's fear's job. Its entire purpose is to inform you of possible danger ahead.

You: I'm going skydiving.
Fear: Are you nuts?

I feel it breathing down my neck all the time, especially today. The book isn't coming together. The heroine's voice isn't right. I've only scratched the surface on both of the characters GMC’s and who they are. Fear is informing me of the possibility this book might suck eggs. I'm in danger of making a complete arse of myself if I show this book to anybody. Hell, if I show my writing to anybody, ever.

If I do decide not to write today or tomorrow or ever, I can't blame fear. Fear has never tied my hands. It doesn't have hands. Fear is in essence a thought. (Or think of it as Jiminy Cricket if he had no soul.) Have you acted on every single thought you've had? So why listen to a thought wrapped warmly in a blanket of insecurity? Acknowledge the thought and move on.

Me: Yeah, the book might suck eggs. All my books might suck eggs, but I'm writing them anyway.

Fear: But--

Me: Thanks for the concern. Gotta get to work.

In summary, don't let my newfound determination make you think I don't feel fear creeping up to whisper in my ear. I do. Absolutely. But fear isn't going to check stuff off this year's massive to-do list. From the last post you should know I like doing that.

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